Who are you when I'm not looking?

I've moved, and I've moved on. I have new motivation for the new year. Someone's come back into my life and wrecked it like an outta-control bulldozer with Nitrous burning thru it's manifold and various tubes, pipes, and gears. She makes me smile when I'm sad, laugh when I'm mad. Just talking to her brightens my day not unlike the sun itself banishes shadow. But like everything in my life, such unfettered joy comes with a cost. A double edged sword dripping with poison that burns the very winds that graze it. What ever I feel for her, I am banned from acting on. Partly, due to my own resolution and partly because of her sensibility (one of the many aspects of whom she is that I adore so greatly). She is a forbidden fruit, my apple of knowledge across a vast ocean of strife; and the key to this arduous journey to my Shangri-La?

"PROGRESSION"

We all have to grow, learn, build, change; why shouldn't I? I should, so should you. That's the difference between us and the dirt we rose up from -isn't it? So in the name of growth, I venture out, with my sights set on better days and lofty highest all in the hopes that one day soon I will be able to taste from the succulent peach that envelopes my mind. For one day I won't have to fill my lungs with the memory of the smell of the blessed plains I long for.
In the name of progression I've given myself a few reminders.

• each day I will apply for no less than one job. Regardless of where it is, what it is, or how much it pays.
• at least three days a week I will work out until my body is sore.
• write at least one paragraph of my novel -one day you'll finish it.
• either study for my GED or study for my Adult Ed Diploma (3 pages a day should do it)

That's a lot to accomplish each day. With out a doubt I will lax on one or two but I will not rest until my goals are fulfilled and I am once again hoisted to the rightful place I once sat in this deplorable world we all live in. I will once more raise my chin to the skies and enjoy the life my sweat and blood affords me.
But if I am to ascend to my throne high on yonder mountain, well above the cloud cover, with my true queen I can not dawdle. She is a harsh mistress who refuses to wait for no man. Maybe that is because she knows not what waits for her. It is possible that she refuses to wait on principle or as diabolical motivation. What ever her reasons I care not. I shall take what is mine with fervor. A fury rivaled by none other than the gods themselves is mine to yield in front of those challenges before me. Do not be fooled into believing that my motivations lie within the bosom of just one loft goal, no there are a great many challenges before me all steering my wild momentum in a similar direction: Self-Sufficiency.
To look upon the fruits of you labors and know that you are the only one responsible for them, the only one accountable. To be able to look out and yell unto the world:
"What you see before you is mine, mine alone! I am the master of all I see, the sole provider to all those I hold in my heart. They and I want for nothing more than what I can provide!"
This is not just my goal but the goal held by those that came before me. I am not unique, but I am special. For I am ME!

-sigh, that was a bit of a rant. I'm a little tired now. I think I might need a donut, or at least a carrot. You might think that all I've been doing for the past few months is lamenting about the woes of my life. Well you'd be wrong (that's just what I've been doing while the sun's up). Since I've moved in with my mother, her husband, and my three brothers I've been working on a few projects. Running my Wunderland campaign for one. Hopefully, I will be able to write down the exploits of Orim "the silvered tongue", Caderak "the fierce", Feirbron, Pinky Elfling, and Fluphiemoureskehelsh "Fluffy" Merchant.

168 days until D-day!