Alice in lands of wonder

Life is a funny thing when you look at it under the right light. Then again if you take a step and a half to your left it takes on an entirely different attitude. Life becomes harsh, unforgiving, and cruel. I believe I've already touched upon this subject (a lot) in the past, so for the moment we'll digress to another topic -entirely skipping the fun of complaining about the hand I dealt myself in the game of self gratifying solitaire.
I've come to see a few things in 1080p as of late.
Firstly, I didn't loose my mojo. My game wasn't stolen. I never had my juju sucked out. I just don't have to money to back up my rapidly inflated ego in the arena of dates. Once upon a time I would take a lady-friend out on a date -show her the town so to speak. A movie, dinner, stroll through an art gallery, a walk on a beach, a picnic in a secluded area. Any of these would easily burn a bill in my pocket. I don't make the kind of lettuce to back that up, so I've stopped talking to potential prospects with the end-game in mind.
Secondly, I don't know when I'm flirting and when I'm not. I am so insensitive sometimes and I'm so unsure of myself when if comes to the more pleasing of the species that I wouldn't recognize it if I were expending that figurative hand. Furthermore, when I actually do come to those conscious cross-roads were I actually take a second and ask myself which line to use from my Alexandrian library of bad, worse, horrible, and absolutely wrong phrases to use with the ladies I remember how often the best intentions are considered harassment in this day and time of ours and how often I've been caught up in such cases and I falter. I choose the safe route. You never know when the elephant lady is peaking around the corner and chooses your repugnant retort to be the ammunition for her disdain for the game of smack 'n tickle due to her life long involuntary seclusion. Besides no one wants to make it with a frothing walrus unless she can suck the U.S.S. Nimitz through a crazy straw.
Thirdly, for all the sexual expertise I claim of saunter around with, I sure am inexperienced. I don't tell a lot of people this but I really haven't had a lot of partners, and I've just recently (in my old age) become comfortable with certain realities. Some would consider this a good thing, but my life is half over and what's left of it is coming apart at the seams.
Fourthly, I'm frigg'n thirty, I'm single, I already have kids, and I work part-time for damn near minimum wage! WTH! What kinda cosmic jester decided to overlay my life with Job? That's right I said it. I compared myself to a biblical character, although that shouldn't really come to a big surprise to anyone who actually has met me. I'm frack'n named after one! So what am I supposed to be Job 2.0 the agnostic? Well, I'm ready for it if that's the cause. I've come dangerously close to committing suicide countless times -literally, countless (I've lost count). I get to the point were the pills are within reach, the knife is in hand, or I'm covered in rabid squirrel pheromone and I'm starring down three hundred frothing rodents; but I always step back and tell myself that there's no way anything in this rotting, wasting world will have the better of me. I am not a quitter, I am not a looser. I might make all the wrong choices, I might make a neural-toxin in the kitchen by accident but I will never give up I will never stop! And if my time does come I will choose where, or how. I will go out with a bang, not with a whimper in the night. I will not accept a straw death. I WILL look that anorexic cloaked bastard in the eye sockets and tell him to put on his BK and start kicking, cause he's gonna hafta catch a bastard.
Fithly, I like fishes, cause they're so delicious.
Sixthly, I actually do (deep down inside) want to live monogamously. I never really thought of humans as being predominantly monogamous but I think that we just might very well be. It's kinda silly to think that after so many millennium we've slowly let go of all out multi-whatever beliefs. Multi-pantheons, multi-sexual partners, hell in some cases even multi-parents. I might be talking out my well groomed donkey's poopy buttocks (we covered that today, hehe) but that's what I think. You gotta problem, let's talk it out.
Seventhly, not enough people out there have tried chicken 'n waffles! Seriously, wipe that stupid grimace off your pus and just try it. You'll thank me that you did. And for said thanks I will be accepting one plate of chicken 'n waffles (syrup on the side please).
Eighthly, I like bad B-rated movies too much. I don't even know why I like wasting my time like that. Maybe it's my enjoyment of distractions as a whole, or maybe I like to watch them so I know how not to write a story. Seriously, I watched some Horror at the Winchester house movie (it's a real house in San Jose, CA. I know people who used to work there) and after the first five minutes I knew exactly what was going to happen from day one. There were rips from the Shinning, from the Sixth Sense. To top it all off the movie got the myth of the house right, but they never said were the house was, they didn't use photos of the house, they didn't connect the house with the weapons company, they didn't even put the house anywhere near were the actual plot of land the house sits. And I voluntarily sat through that whole movie. Sometimes I have to wonder, WTH!
Ninethly, I'm done. Have a great day and leave comments. I'd love to hear from you all.
Until next we meet ;)